Here are some tips to get you on your way to having equal and fulfilling relationships based on honesty and respect.
1) We first must notice when we reinforce the bad or unwanted behavior. It can be we give in to people too easily, when we say Yes even though we want to say No; or when we feel a knot in our stomach or feel dread at the question. If we experience those or other symptoms but still say Yes, then we are reinforcing the behavior. If we say Yes because we are afraid of the other person’s reaction, because we want to avoid an argument or because we are used to letting people always have their way this is how we continue this never-ending cycle and bending our boundaries.
2) Recognize that we have the right to walk away when we are not being treated appropriately. This may include feeling forced to have a conversation or forced to endure being yelled or berated. It’s acknowledging that we have the Power and the obligation to walk away when things do not feel right to us.
3) We have the right to always say No if something is not in our best interest. Identify what we want, what makes sense for us and if it does not make sense we have the right to say No. No explanations, no substitutions, no apologies necessary. They have the right to ask and we have the right to say no.
4) Trusting that we have the insight into what relationships are unhealthy and having the right to distance ourselves from them. We do not have to engage in those toxic relationships, we do not have to sit still and be treated poorly. We can protect ourselves, our self-respect and not be forced to participate, if we do not wish to do so.
5) Being consistent with how we expect to be treated by others. It is human nature to always try to get our way in things; people will push boundaries and if it nets them a positive result they will continue to do so. This is not something that will stop once they get what they want. The more consistent we are with our boundaries the faster people will learn how we want to be treated. It can be tiresome work, especially at the beginning but do we prefer for other people to like us or do we prefer to like ourselves? What do we gain and lose by breaching your boundaries and is it worth it? It gets easier the more that you practice it.
6) Practice setting boundaries and look for ways to establish our new boundaries. It can be from a small situation to a very serious situation, the more we do it and practice it the easier it becomes and we continue to build on our success. Boundaries are about respect and they can be instituted in a respectful manner. Yelling, crying and arguing is not necessary when instituting our boundaries. Instead being firm but using a neutral tone is sufficient. Boundaries should be simple and direct.
7) While boundaries are individual that does not mean, we must do it alone. We can utilize our support systems that we trust to help us practice what we are going to say and how we will say it so when the time comes we feel better prepared.
This blog topic and post was inspired by a video created by Kati Morton on YouTube.